Hi Tuesdays!!
I’m at my fave cafe (the pink tiled bistro seating section of the LAX Amex Lounge) watching an orthodox dovening. I have nothing to say about that at this time.
Okay fine maybe how ANY religion can be really bad when used to control people and keep women submissive.
But on that topic, I never meant to touch, I was talking to some fellow girlie Jews about how if we were raised in the super wealthy LA ortho vibe, we could actually crush it. I would crush it especially. The rules. The guidelines. Limiting my understanding of the outside world (a lot of bad news out there!). Your goals are so clear. Babies, cooking, driving, gossip, shopping, wigs.
I wonder if I would become a secret Manischewitz alcoholic. I’d def still be able to be on pills so yeah, maybe I’d turn to self medicating at a certain point. But none of the other women could know. Impossible to figure out what percent VIGILANT PERFECTIONIST versus ~a little baddie~ Orthodox Jewish me would be.
I was jealous (lols) of my v religious Chabad friend who wasn’t allowed to read from the Torah. Why does that bitch still get a party but I have to cry in the cantor’s office twice a week for mine? Hers ended up being more…ice cream sociable, while mine was at a room at The Langham I didn’t even get for my wedding.
So I guess this is me saying I wish I was a Hasidic Jew married off when I was 18 in a lace front rn? Is this ADHD? Do you people think one story in a row?
Would you believe I left my phone in my dad’s car when he dropped me off at LAX? UNHEARD OF! Batshevana (me in hypothetical) would never!
I had to turn on my laptop and Facetime audio my dad to come back with my phone.
I now have my phone, and less lounge time.
Ok so in classic turn of events he (praying man) is for sure Persian. He was asking me what time it was, because they announced breakfast to lunch turnover time. “It’s 10:08,” I said. “Every-eh-thing is ehrlearier in Los Angheles because it’s 3 hours ahead.”
I guess I love that guy. Maybe he respects women. What if he lets his wife read the torah? What if he spends his days thinking of peace deal? I don’t know this man.
What the fuck is even this post. I wanted to dive into the pure chaos of Saturday night for Anna’s birthday.
It started innocuous enough. I arrived as the 3rd guest to the pregame. Our hostess announced her pregnancy, I had wine. Pizza arrived. I abstained. (I had pizza at Blairs Silverlake the night before. The server was bragging about how their gluten was made in house with flour from Italy. I took the risk.) I had a white wine. I had an Easter Reese’s Egg. I caught up with Preston and Sam and saw pics of their new VERY CUTE BABY. This baby has more Gucci sweaters than Rob. Who has like, at least 5.
Anna showed us the texts between herself and the bar’s Point Person.
Okay PrayMan just asked me if my tattoos were the story of my life. I did not tell him I was already approved to be buried at the Jewish Cemetery. Then a nice older lady in Free City sweats complimented my rings and said they “brightened her day!” What is happening?! Could we all live in peaceful harmony?
Never- but it’s a sweet cute thought.
Back to Saturday. Actually I’m going to make a hot chocolate one sec-
It is now 8:31pm, and I am in Orlando.
I was “upgraded” to a middle seat again but it worked out because I fell in love with Aisle woman. She is 73, told me she loved me before we even took off, I’ve been dming with her daughter in law, and have plans to get drinks with Aisle in Orlando some time!
Nvm all you get from Saturday is this pic bc Elissa is a v famous writer so you get to enjoy this glimpse into a group thread I can barely keep up with:
I ordered Wendy’s (Rob’s idea tbqh but I fuck with it) (lettuce wrapped) and it’s almost here so I g2g ttyl xoxo.
OMG also THANK YOU YASSI for teaching me more about Persian New Year than my dad ever did. We’re all supposed to jump over fire (read as: small candle) to cleanse ourselves for the NEW YEAR! I fucking LOVE a witch rooted haunted ass tradition.
It’s kind of sweet I know the lounge guy (who audibly prayed) and I (Lorazepam and a white wine) are both going to jump over candles tonight.
Mine’s going to seem way more ~witch.~
Notice they’re the same behavior for the same event.
Really makes you think.
ugh shut up bye.